A Detailed List of Everything Rihanna Should Buy With Her Millions

Rihanna is rich. Sorry, no, Rihanna is RIIIIIIIIICH, BIIIIIIIIIITCH.

On Tuesday, Forbes released its list of America’s Richest Self-Made Women Under 40. While it bent the definition of what the term “self-made” entails by naming born-very-rich person Kylie Jenner the youngest self-made billionaire ever, the list now includes none other than pop icon and fashion/cosmetics impresario Robyn Rihanna Fenty.

As reported, RiRi is now the world’s richest woman in music, with a net worth of $600 million stemming from her music, her Fenty Beauty cosmetics line, her Savage x Fenty lingerie line, and her forthcoming high-end clothing line, Fenty. Behind her are Madonna (worth $570 million), Celine Dion ($450 million), Beyoncé ($400 million), and Taylor Swift ($360 million), together comprising the top five richest women in the music industry.

Rihanna is stacking millies like it’s her job, probably because it kind of is. This seems like a good moment to drop this very apropos gif:

While Rihanna is extremely rich, she is also undeserving of the guillotine, as she is an industrious Black woman who earned every one of those coins by gifting the world an incredible makeup line—one that includes one of the widest foundation shade ranges on the market—as well as the hits “Rude Boy,” “You Da One,” and the album Anti as a whole. Bad Gal RiRi famously works hard, plays hard, and has no problem sending that paycheck. The woman owns $1,340 crystal Gucci socks! She knows what she’s doing with her fortune. Still, in case she needs some ideas with what to do with all that money, here are some options.

Pay off our student loan debt.

Rihanna is a already very charitable person, founding the Clara Lionel Foundation to spread education opportunities and healthcare to children worldwide, as well as donating from her mass fortune to education causes and other issues regularly. But paying off some student loan debts would be nice. We don’t expect her to pay it all off! That’s $1.5 trillion, far more than our billionaire queen can or should have to pay considering she has never been a predatory student loan corporation. But if she paid some, it might be cool. Just sayin’.

Roll an even larger blunt on her security guard’s head.

We know our queen partakes in the jazz cabbage, and back in 2012, she got the internet’s attention when she was photographed at Coachella using her very large security guard’s head as a surface on which to roll a blunt. Rihanna still likes to party, but she hasn’t been captured rolling any sort of cannabis cigarette on anyone’s head since. But now, with all this money, maybe she can think bigger. Honest Marijuana reports that an ounce of weed costs roughly $250 in California, where cannabis is legal. There are 16 ounces in a pound. That means that if Rihanna wanted to roll a one-pound blunt on a security guard’s head in the greater Los Angeles area, it might cost about $4,000. Drop in an additional $4,000 (or more—people should be paid a fair wage for their work) for the security guard’s time and trouble, and it still wouldn’t make even a dent in her riches. Why not?

Drop the album!

We know it’s coming, and that it will be a reggae album. We also know we’ve all been annoyingly asking for it for a very long time, and that Rihanna kind of hates it when people incessantly beg for her next album to come out already. Still, maybe this extra cash she’s acquired can help speed things along? Please?

Start a venture capitalist fund that supports people of color.

Serena Williams just did it, and it will undoubtedly change lives. As a Black woman who was supported in her musical and entrepreneurial growth by another (now-billionaire) musician of color, Jay-Z, she knows how much even a small amount of investment makes a difference. She could change even more lives, lifting POC out of the cycle of poverty and evening the playing field in terms of access to wealth. Rihanna has already changed lives through her philanthropy and various projects. Why not a few more?

Buy a hat.

She looks great in hats. She should totally get another one. Work hard, play hard, baby.

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